Archive for the ‘Tom’s Desire To Be A Mascot’ Category

Met Life Is A Tad Boring Right Now

July 22, 2011

Does anyone else feel like things associated with the Mets are in a stale, non-directional, holding pattern right now?  Maybe its just me, but I have a sense that the Mets are in a quasi sort of limbo while we wait for the trade deadline to approach.

With the exception of David Wright’s return, all things Mets related are not terribly intriguing right now.

  • They are a .500 team.  Obviously not something to be thrilled about, but not something to be completely in tears over either.  Especially when you consider the challenges they’ve faced this season.
  • All signs point to some player movement, but not a complete fire sale.  We’ll have a chance to dissect a move or two, but won’t have the crazy as hell, start from scratch, August and beyond, that a number of people believed.
  • Even the Wilpon drama has reached a boring level of calm.  It doesn’t look like they will be on the hook for a cool billion in the Madoff mess, just $300 million.  This $700 swing lowers the financial drama a bit.

I guess it’s a good thing in a way.  It’s just not terribly intriguing.

Here are a few things that could liven things up:

  • A torrid winning streak
  • An answer as to where Carlos Beltran will be playing after July 31st.
  • Someone in the Mets organization helping Tom realize his dream to be Mr. Met.
  • An ugly and embarrassing collapse by the Phillies or Braves or both.
  • The Mets decide to install temporary fencing you see at slow pitch softball fundraisers to increase the number of home runs at Citi Field.
  • The Mets hold days during Friday night home games which consist of:
  1. TC and Chip Hale get the night off as Tom and I manage and coach third base.
  2. Beer is only a $1, there are all you can eat nachos, and all of the concession stands serve Tom’s famous upside down pineapple cake.
  3. I am “Mic’d up” so the entire stadium can hear everything I say, even when I ream Tom’s ass for waving Ronny Paulino home from second on an infield hit.  
  4. If Tom cries, everyone in attendance gets a free pizza from Pizza Hut.
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What Do The Mets Do With An Unexpected Day Off?

April 12, 2011

Sometimes mother nature gives you an unexpected break.  I’m sure the Mets bullpen is pretty thankful right now, including Bobby Parnell.

I imagine there are those that believe it would be more beneficial if Bobby got right back on the horse as soon as possible.  My train of thought is he needs to get his mind off things right now. Relax the old noggin.

Maybe go catch a flick. I would recommend that he sees Hop.  If watching a movie about a bunny that can shit jelly beans can’t take your mind off of your troubles, nothing can.

Now that I am finished sharing some sage advice, I can get to the real reason why I started this post.  Have you ever wondered what people in baseball do with an unexpected off day?

Here are some thoughts:


This one is easy.  Read any posts on Midwestropolitan they may have missed due to lame batting practice or dealing with the media.


Another obvious answer here.  Terry Collins can now use “playing the game the right way” at home instead of at the ballpark for a change.

I can see it now.  He’s playing an intense game of Scrabble with Mrs. Collins and busts out a triple word score and screams, “Now that’s playing the game the right way!!  Boo-ya!!” .  Was using “Boo-Ya” too much?  Reader feedback is always welcome.


They spend the entire night flipping a coin on whether or not to extend Jose Reyes’ contract while recording the results so they can be analyzed using Sabermetrics.  Heads we sign him, tails we don’t.



Spend a couple of hours working on his T-shirt gun accuracy.  This practice usually involves attempting to shoot t-shirts through open car windows as they fly by on the Queensboro Bridge.

The night typically ends with him cruising for chicks in the bullpen car.


Trying desperately to figure out why Mr. Met is avoiding all of his texts and phone calls while repeatedly muttering to himself, “I mean, seriously, how’s a guy supposed to get his foot in the door in the mascot biz?  Damn.”


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